


Doin' the Pigeon

by indistinct_echo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Magical Realism, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indistinct_echo/pseuds/indistinct_echo
Summary: Phil talks to animals. Dan doesn't quite believe him.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 20
Kudos: 82





	Doin' the Pigeon

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Phil's instastory from 5/22/20.

“No,” Phil says sternly. “No!”

Dan walks up behind him, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder. “What’s going on?” he asks, eyeing the pigeon before them.

Phil sighs. “He wants to come inside, and he isn’t really listening to me when I say ‘no.’”

“We can just close the window,” Dan offers, “The air-con is running.”

“No, it’s fine,” Phil says. He reaches up to run a hand through his hair, and Dan moves off of Phil’s shoulder to watch how his long, dark locks appear blue when they catch the light.

“It would be rude to just shut him out,” Phil continues. “It’s not like he’s actually doing anything wrong.”

Dan hums. “I can’t imagine he’d be too upset. He’d probably just fly away.”

Phil snorts. “Yeah right,” he says, “Derek would be annoyed at me for at least a week.”

Dan watches the pigeon before them, its head cocked in their direction as though it’s actually paying attention to the two giants standing just inside the window.

“He doesn’t really look like a Derek,” he notes.

“That’s what I said!”

Dan, bewildered, gives Phil a long look. “You know you can always... change it. Just call him something else.”

“It’s not that simple,” Phil says with a sigh. “Derek was pretty adamant about his name, and I felt like I couldn’t really call him ‘little D’ in good consciousness.” He glances pointedly towards Dan’s crotch before lifting his gaze to look Dan in the eyes with raised eyebrows.

Dan barks out a mock-offended huff and pinches Phil’s side. While he doesn’t think Phil’s explanation clears anything up, it isn’t worth pressing the point.

“Derek it is then.”

The flat is quiet for a minute with Dan watching Phil and Phil watching the pigeon.

He is jostled out of the half-reverie into which he’d slipped when Phil suddenly bursts out, “Look, I just can’t let you in!”

He sounds far more exasperated than Dan believes is warranted.

“If I let you in, then I’ll have to say yes to the others!”

That’s actually one of the more sensical things Phil’s said today, Dan thinks. Given the number of pigeons that show up on their balcony each day, he wouldn’t be surprised if there was some secret pigeon-network that would collectively decide to take up residence in their flat if Phil let them inside.

He’s just always figured that _not_ letting them in would mean keeping the windows closed, not trying to talk the pigeons into following their house rules.

“I know _you_ can keep off the furniture, but you think Max will? Or that Ruby won’t fly into the bathroom and refuse to leave? I can’t take that chance.”

The pigeon, impossibly, looks like it sighs in response, and Dan thinks it now looks deflated, like he’s actually listening to Phil’s arguments and is finally giving up. It’s surprisingly expressive for a bird.

“Aw, don’t be sad, Derek,” Dan says, trying his hardest not to slip into the voice he normally reserves for babies and small dogs.

Phil shifts his gaze from the pigeon to Dan, a fond smile at the edges of his lips.

“Do you want to play something for him on the piano? That’s his favorite.”

And Dan thinks he must have lost his mind sometime between when he came to find Phil and now because he just looks at Derek with only mild disbelief and asks, “Any song requests?”

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi on [tumblr](https://indistinct-echo.tumblr.com/post/618825925275090944/doin-the-pigeon)!


End file.
